Back in Action

Well, I'm back for another "Semester Inbroad" (not that I wasn't here last semester, or every term ever.) But I'm settling back into Bates (or not), having a lot of thoughts that I want to get down somewhere, and want to document my journey of writing thesis somewhere, so I thought here would be a nice place. Likely no one is reading this, which is A-ok by me. Here goes...probably a lot of complaining and not much good reflection stuff here, but it's my blog and I can cry if I want to. Oh, and no pity -- use your energy on someone else who isn't blessed to have the social support systems that I do.

Returned three days ago to assist with the tail end of first-year move-in. Have been up and down like crazy since then. At first, I felt really old and almost embarrassed that I was still a undergraduate, living in a dorm and all that. Old, slow fish in a small pond full of tadpoles. Really weird/different form of non-belonging-feeling. Usually I feel unprepared. This time I feel overprepared. Can't I reach a happy medium? Next, I'm angry/jealous. Then overjoyed to see old friends and laugh with them. Now very lonely and considering finishing my credits early, traveling/going to the Olympics in the winter, and then returning for short term and graduation. Perhaps a rash thought, but we'll see...

Classes are why I'm here, and I really love the academic setting, taking classes and getting to wrestle with things in books as I work to relate them to whatever I want. I'm hoping that I'll feel more connected to life here once classes start. Similarly, I'm thinking that thesis will really give me purpose. Two nights ago, I had a mini-epiphany: I should write my thesis on the only topic I've ever cried over out of passion. That would be infantilization of the elderly. Still a hugely broad topic, but I big step for me in narrowing things down. I still don't know the solution, which scares and saddens me, but I'm challenging myself to think about it over the course of this semester/year. Maybe I can contribute in some small way, all the while avoiding the paradox of demeaning old folks through my thoughts. Still figuring out whether I'll definitely be done with it in December or might continue on in the winter.

Listening to "All Broken Hearts" by Tyrone. Alleluiah.

Back in the Swing

I've had all my classes at least once, and all seem good. I'm legitimately excited for all of them (maybe physics a little less than the others, but hopefully it will break up my black hole of social science.) Activities Fair went well, though apparently I scared some people off, but we distributed a good amount of business cards and the hockey site's traffic spiked the day after! I do love results.

Thursday evening was a random meeting and then first VCS of the semester (Dave Tamkin, came freshman year as well.) VCS was crowded and I had to run in late, but, luckily, I had whored myself out to Keith earlier [Nicole, now I know how you do it] and so I still got a free imitation SIG water bottle. I love free stuff.

Friday afternoon I went through a bout of not feeling like I was supposed to be here (i.e. feeling like I should be abroad). But, in the evening was a Discordians meeting, which made me feel much much better. This weekend I've been low-key (getting back into the school routine is exhausting!) but surprisingly productive. So far, I've thoroughly completed almost all of my work for Monday & Tuesday, done laundry, cleaned/vacuumed the room, And yet I've still had time to have some long, quality Commons meals and watch Arrested Development with Kate as we sit in the Crazy Creek chairs on our fuzzy rug. Nothing exciting, but I'm just pleasantly surprised at the balance I'm achieving in my unstructured time.

Miss & thinking of you all!

Explanation

So, let's be honest. The concept of this blog began a few weeks ago when I was feeling particularly jealous of all of my peers studying abroad for the semester or the year. Yes, I am overjoyed to be headed back to Bates, but there's always "the grass is always greener on the other side" thought that sometimes attacked. Bates has one of the highest percentages of students who study abroad, and last winter I struggled to decide if I would contribute to that percentage via a semester abroad. If you're reading this, you probably know my woe-is-me saga, but, basically, I decided that I wasn't emotionally stable yet (soon, hopefully!) to go. I'm also a Bates-aholic, so that made the realization that I should wait just as pleasing an outcome as any.

Anyway, in these moments of jealousy, I thought about how I would soon be reading blogs/mass emails/etc. from peers abroad recounting adventurous tales that I had essentially said "no thanks" to. I thought of making my own private blog parodying abroad blogs, using Lewiston as my comically-unexotic background. In this vision, no one would know that I was mocking them out of jealousy. Win-win.

When the jealousy cleared (perhaps in part due to hormones), I revisted the blog idea. "It might actually be nice for friends abroad to be able to see what I'm up to, not that it will be anything exciting," I thought. "Plus, I'll have a written, not-so-emotion-filled written record of one semester at Bates to look back on and laugh at."

So yes, this idea was hatched in a time of extreme selfishness. But I hope it will be useful for both myself and friends abroad. So here it goes: a semester inbroad.