Back in Action

Well, I'm back for another "Semester Inbroad" (not that I wasn't here last semester, or every term ever.) But I'm settling back into Bates (or not), having a lot of thoughts that I want to get down somewhere, and want to document my journey of writing thesis somewhere, so I thought here would be a nice place. Likely no one is reading this, which is A-ok by me. Here goes...probably a lot of complaining and not much good reflection stuff here, but it's my blog and I can cry if I want to. Oh, and no pity -- use your energy on someone else who isn't blessed to have the social support systems that I do.

Returned three days ago to assist with the tail end of first-year move-in. Have been up and down like crazy since then. At first, I felt really old and almost embarrassed that I was still a undergraduate, living in a dorm and all that. Old, slow fish in a small pond full of tadpoles. Really weird/different form of non-belonging-feeling. Usually I feel unprepared. This time I feel overprepared. Can't I reach a happy medium? Next, I'm angry/jealous. Then overjoyed to see old friends and laugh with them. Now very lonely and considering finishing my credits early, traveling/going to the Olympics in the winter, and then returning for short term and graduation. Perhaps a rash thought, but we'll see...

Classes are why I'm here, and I really love the academic setting, taking classes and getting to wrestle with things in books as I work to relate them to whatever I want. I'm hoping that I'll feel more connected to life here once classes start. Similarly, I'm thinking that thesis will really give me purpose. Two nights ago, I had a mini-epiphany: I should write my thesis on the only topic I've ever cried over out of passion. That would be infantilization of the elderly. Still a hugely broad topic, but I big step for me in narrowing things down. I still don't know the solution, which scares and saddens me, but I'm challenging myself to think about it over the course of this semester/year. Maybe I can contribute in some small way, all the while avoiding the paradox of demeaning old folks through my thoughts. Still figuring out whether I'll definitely be done with it in December or might continue on in the winter.

Listening to "All Broken Hearts" by Tyrone. Alleluiah.

Extistentialism

It's Sunday afternoon and I'm reviewing for the three midterms/exams I have coming up over the next two days. I was looking over Personality stuff and I found this passage in the textbook that, strangely enough, made me happy:

Authentic existence will not relieve you from loneliness and unhappiness; a courageous examination of conscious experience reveals the awful truth that every person is alone and doomed. Life has no meaning beyond what you give it... (Funder, 2007)

Over the past couple weeks, I've found myself recognizing more instances when courses overlap with other courses or with life. I like feeling.

Feeling good about exams (they're all for classes I like), and it's a beautiful fall day (and another big prospective weekend -- admissions is getting so lucky!) -- what more could I ask for? There are lots of thoughts in my brain, but they just don't wanna come out now, so I'll have to stop there.

Sociology, Etc.

Well, things are starting to get crazy. I kept meaning to post but whenever I had a spare moment I didn't want to think.

Here, quickly, are a few of the most notable things I've done in the past week or so: Called my mom and thanked her for giving birth to me, went to a lecture on ethnomathematics, got a cable so we can watch Arrested Development, etc. on the lounge TV, went to the Common Ground Fair, had my first real tutoring session at the peer writing center (followed soon after by four more -- it was a busy Sunday night), contemplated dropping physics.

Here are a few things I've thought about:
- Sociology. Theoretical Foundations of Soc continues to delight me. The lecturer on ethnomathematics could have easily been identified as a sociologist, so all his points directly to theories of society that we've been discussing in Theoretical Soc. I'm such a sucker for anything cross-disciplinary. I get to start on a paper for the class this week, which I'm looking forward to at the moment, though I'll probably complaining about it soon.
- The applicability of academic disciplines and the world-classroom relationship: I'm learning & enjoying learning, but does everything apply to things outside the gates of my brain? Sometimes I think yes, like when we talk about Prozac in Personality or the caregiver burden in Health & Illness, but othertimes I'm not so sure. Should I be out there in the world rather than in this classroom/campus that's miniscule in the grand scheme of things?

So I guess that's a tiny sample of what my body & brain have been up to. Weather right now is sunny and mid 60s -- a perfect late summer day. And, today was an admissions day -- they got lucky with that one! Take care everyone...I'm always thinking about you.

Explanation

So, let's be honest. The concept of this blog began a few weeks ago when I was feeling particularly jealous of all of my peers studying abroad for the semester or the year. Yes, I am overjoyed to be headed back to Bates, but there's always "the grass is always greener on the other side" thought that sometimes attacked. Bates has one of the highest percentages of students who study abroad, and last winter I struggled to decide if I would contribute to that percentage via a semester abroad. If you're reading this, you probably know my woe-is-me saga, but, basically, I decided that I wasn't emotionally stable yet (soon, hopefully!) to go. I'm also a Bates-aholic, so that made the realization that I should wait just as pleasing an outcome as any.

Anyway, in these moments of jealousy, I thought about how I would soon be reading blogs/mass emails/etc. from peers abroad recounting adventurous tales that I had essentially said "no thanks" to. I thought of making my own private blog parodying abroad blogs, using Lewiston as my comically-unexotic background. In this vision, no one would know that I was mocking them out of jealousy. Win-win.

When the jealousy cleared (perhaps in part due to hormones), I revisted the blog idea. "It might actually be nice for friends abroad to be able to see what I'm up to, not that it will be anything exciting," I thought. "Plus, I'll have a written, not-so-emotion-filled written record of one semester at Bates to look back on and laugh at."

So yes, this idea was hatched in a time of extreme selfishness. But I hope it will be useful for both myself and friends abroad. So here it goes: a semester inbroad.